Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Bloody Buckets and Sam Hill


Oh okay, dammit. I have been a total whiner lately. Which is funny because I personally can't stand complaining. Something inside of me dies when I hear someone drone on about something in their lives they aren't happy with...and I am being such a hyprocrit right now!
Okay, the essay is in. Really, I finished it...the first one of my Masters carreer..and you know what...I feel okay. I know it isn't my best work...but somehow I decided to lay my heart down along the path and I didn't pick it up for purposes of writing the essay. All is okay.
Really, what do I have to worry about...nothing.
Honestly, I have lived through some interesting experiences, even have the scars to prove my journey has been rough. Academia is not rough...so why am I whining?
I think I must be a battered wife...metaphorically. I can't enjoy something if it doesn't come with its fair share of lumps...and honestly there are no real lumps to be had in Academia. You talk to somone and read some books and perhaps write a ditty or two and et voila you get a title and a piece of paper which apparently states you know something...doesn't have to be earthshattering and rarely ever is, just know something. Well shoot, I know a whole bunch of things!
So, it is time for inspiration.
I need to get into a creative writing class. I need some new music. I need a new hair colour. And some of those funky foam shoes.
Hoping Mary Ellen doesn't retire so I can sit in on her classes and find my writing spirit again. I think my soul misses my hands holding a pen and splurging on the paper. The honesty needs to purge.
And in the end FUCK THEM ALL!
Clean up your own damn mess and stop shitting!
over and out

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Me, Part of the Herd?


Oh this picture says it all for me. I can't remember what ad campaign it is from but it is meant to sell something. I feel like what I am doing right now can be summed up by this picture. By the way I am the cow...not the dolphin. I am doing my best though to keep up, make the leaps. However, everyone wants something from me and I have increased my chances of being caught in the net. And dammit I am not on the endangered species list!!!
I am struggling with my choices right now. I am struggling with uncertaintity. I usually learn quickly and jump the hoops, however this time I am not picking up on things as quickly. In addition, stemming from my fear of inadequacy I am putting off my work, both in my home and in school. There are projects ALL around me and I don't want to touch any of them, but deep inside I know if I do I will feel good, I will feel accomplished. Honestly that is what I want.
Okay, so this is the current question posed to me in my academic life. "Is this really where your passion lies?". For clarification, in broad terms I am looking at housing discrimination in Kelowna. For me, it is social issues I am wholeheartedly in love with and want to be part of. I don't care what social issue it is, throw me in, teach me and allow me to be a problem solver, or at least part of a solution. What is it about housing that I like? Well, everyone needs a roof over their head, a warm safe place to sleep. Taken for granted is that all of us in the world have access to that place...not true. That is what fascinates me!! In addition, another taken for granted idea is that everyone wants the same kind of home...again not true! I love the diversity, I love envisioning living in a space that engenders diversity.
Okay so is housing directly my love and passion, no. The social ails around it though are! If someone were to come to me later today and say, "Do you want to research spousal abuse?" YES...or, "Do you want to research disabilities?" YES...or, "Do you want to research, child poverty?" YES YES YES...all of it would make me happy. Because not only would I learn, but I would have the opportunity to be part of giving back to the community...all I want for my life is to give back...so am I in the program for the wrong reasons??? That is my problem right now. I don't think I am, I think I am confused, I think I need clarification, and I need to be set in direction. I am going to people (my supervisor) and establishing communication and straightforwardly saying, "I'm confused".
I am optimistic. Don't get me wrong. I will do this, whatever this is...there is no doubts there. I mean I was petrified during my B.A. and I finished it. Certainly, toward the final semester I had a good grasp on how the B.A. worked but up until that point I really had NO clue what I was doing, it was because of others who gently pushed me in different directions that I made it...and my hardwork of applying myself to the material. So, I will do the M.A. no question...but I believe I am allowed to be afraid, confused and upset during the process. And this space will serve as a testimony in the future that really I had nothing to worry about.
In the meantime, I will leap with the dolphins and pray that I don't get caught in a tuna net!

Monday, June 05, 2006

Whoops, they might be on to me....

Okay, now I am entering a small panic mode. Spent a few minutes speaking with one of my supervisors on my MA committee. He asked some really good questions and pointed out some even more important elements I should I be considering. And, as he was grilling me and forcing me to think I panic'd. I have no idea what I am doing. I had no way to articulate to him what I want to do, because honestly I don't know what I really want to do...I just want to learn...I just want to be part of something.
I have no clue. And when I begin to think of who I could ask about this process about what I should be doing, looking at, etc, etc...there is no one...no one I feel safe enough to say, I have no clue...I just jumped on board cause I didn't want to stay behind...I jumped. Operative word here...Jumped. Good god impulsiveness does not sell well in my life...okay, so, can't fully rely on landing on my feet, although I know I will...how can I be so confident? Because, I will keep plugging along...oh god, a good fraud never admits they are frauding their way through...so I won't...I will keep going try to ask the questions I can, and hope it all works out...GEEZ!
I feel stupid because I didn't really think this out...I didn't find a mentor a person who has been here who wants to share with me and help me figure out what I am doing here...I really fucked this up. This is where I wish I had parents who were semi-functional, alive, and with education...or even an aunt, or cousin, someone close to me...FUCK. I really hate being so alone!
I can't even put a hold on this MA thing, the money is being spent as we speak, wheels are turning and it is going down hill with no flipping breaks...I gotta go with the ride...Okay, so ya when the ride is over I know I will look back and laugh, but right now...GEEZ!
I am really hoping there will be some beautiful invisible hands popping up soon, because I don't have anytime to curl up somewhere and cry!

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

She came undone...

Did you ever take a piece of rope and twist it up so you could watch it unwind. That is how I feel. I go through periods of being twisted up, haunted by exterior forces to become tighter, tauter, controlled...eventually I release...and I wind away from all the pressure. It is an unavoidable cycle for me. So beautiful and so graceful...yet so scared and even more sacred then I had ever dreamt.
Amazing I never thought I would know what this feels like, this being ...being right now.
So, I am past a week of heat and nightmares and fears. Now I am into a rythm...a slow steady rythm that asks me to show up at work...whenever I can. The same rythm asks me to be wary of my academic obligations but don't fret them. A rythm of coming home and making sure the next meal is hot and the floor is vacuumed and the bed is made for two individuals who come together so exquistely in the middle of the night.
My rope is unwinding...twirling down, gracefully as though it was planned.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Backslide...

The nightmares...always with the same usual theme, Jaidan dying, death, dead. This time a deadly freezing wind comes through the town of Vernon at certain times and Jaidan and I have to get somewhere with our luggage. We hop in the car, I drive. We get to our destination and the freezing wind is behind us...we can see it. Both Jaidan and I run into safety...literally side by side. When we get in, for just a moment I think *we made it* but I look over at him...he isn't looking at me. His whole body is stiff...and he falls to the floor. The freezing wind got him, not me. I see convulsions of his hand...my dream interprets the wave as an attempt to say *I am alive, save me*....

Shortly after this I wake up. That was three days ago...and I can't shake it. I am tired. Extremely tired. But I still have to go work, I have classes starting next week. I am breaking. I found myself in a hallway trying to put money on my photocopy card fighting back tears.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

DONE...almost...


Okay, so my hands are becoming slightly overused. I just finished writing my last final exam I will ever write as an undergrad. In two hours I responded to four questions and used three booklets to do so. My hand is throbbing right now and I think my brain melted. Now I am going to complete my 35 page paper and my prof can dream about me doing anymore than that!! I can't believe I am done! I am so scared and yet so completely exhilarated! How the hell did I get this far? And no-one has found out I am a complete fraud!! YAHOOO...SUCKERS! Just joking...or am I? I need to find a good hand surgeon...academia is a killer on the hand bones!

Yes I am moving April 29th...yes I have a couch and a cot...yes you all worship me and adore me...yes, I smell!

Friday, April 21, 2006

The final Countdown


Well, I am moving into the phase of final countdown to moving day. I realize as I get older, that moving is a painful process. I was packing boxes last weekend and re-arranging different areas of my home and the next day my body violently protested. I was a bit upset at first with my bodies reaction to my preparations, especially since I have been exercising regularly lately...granted my exercise does not include bending and lifting, however I thought perhaps my exercise would stave off some of the pain. NO. So I began to think about what moving day will do to my body and I don't have one body to worry about I also have the body of my partner to worry about. Especially since it will be our first night sleeping together in OUR home...and he will be sore, and I will be sore...and we will still have to get up the next day and run about trying to pull OUR home together. Thankfully, a wonderful friend has made the process easier by lending us his truck. Which I find as a great honour that he trusts me and partner enough with his transportation. And here is where I get really excited about moving day...because you really get to know who is in it for the long haul and who isn't. I have learned in my life that friends come and go quite frequently. However, that doesn't mean stop making friends because they are fleeting, what it does mean though is to watch a friends behaviour while they are in your life. The friends I cherish the most are the ones who can manage truly selfless acts. They inspire me to continually strive to do selfless acts myself. Granted it is more effort and work helping others at the expense of your comfort and time...however, the way I percieve my behaviour is that should I die dead in front of this computer right now, I will die content knowing that I tried....and that I don't have to move next Saturday!! JUST JOKING!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

What it isn't September yet?!?!


Okay I have sitting on some big news lately. Nothing is official...in the sense that the university has not contacted me to say "She you are accepted" however I am in the Masters program of UBC-O. YEAH! Okay, but that really isn't the big news. I think it was kind of a given I would end up in the program...what is big is the money. It wasn't long ago that my supervisor sat me down and said, "This university has no money for your studies, you have to think long and hard if you want to do this because you will have to fund most of it" Of course I freaked out but made the awful decision that I will go ahead and do my studies at the university. So, I began compiling lists of people who had grants and needed R.A.'s, I also applied for some scholarships and started mapping times of application for other scholarships. I was determined to do the next step in my education.
Well here is the beauty of life...especially for me...turns out there was an angel on my shoulder and he has email! I was emailed by a former professor who happened to have some money lying around for a student like me!! WOOT! For two years I will be getting two lump sum payments that will make life absolutely lovely!! I am so stoked and happy!
Okay the part that will hurt and I have to say sorry to all those friends who I said I would visit in the summer...SORRY...cause I am back in classes may 16th!! I am doing the Summer Institute which will save me from having to design my own courses...and while I am pooped I would rather not have to design a course just yet...forget several courses.
WOOT WOOT WOOT WOOT WOOT!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

The Canada we are proud of...hmm


Canadians win freedom for Chinese dissident
After years of punishment for defacing Mao portrait, Lu 'grateful' to be here
ROD MICKLEBURGH

From Wednesday's Globe and Mail

VANCOUVER — Lu Decheng, who spent nine years in a Chinese jail for splotching the famous portrait of Chairman Mao in Tiananmen Square, is safe and sound in Canada after Canadian authorities secured his release from a Thai detention centre.

The 43-year-old former bus driver, smiling broadly, was greeted upon his arrival at Vancouver International Airport yesterday by a relieved group of pro-democracy activists who had been at the forefront of efforts to bring him to Canada.

Speaking through an interpreter, Mr. Lu said he was exhilarated to be in a country "with a civil society where I can breathe the air of freedom. I am very grateful."

Activists credited behind-the-scenes diplomacy by the federal Conservative government for winning Mr. Lu's freedom, after Thai officials, acting on pressure from China, kept him locked up despite the fact that he had a valid immigrant's visa to Canada.

"The government got involved and that was probably the reason he was released in such a short time," said Cheuk Kwan, chair of the Toronto Association for Democracy in China.

"It's a refreshing change [from the Liberals] to have a government putting emphasis on human rights over pure trade and business. They did a good job."

Mr. Lu was one of three boyhood friends who travelled from Hunan province to the mass student demonstrations in Tiananmen Square in 1989.

The trio decided to make their own protest by hurling egg shells filled with coloured dye at Chairman Mao's huge portrait. But students quickly corralled the three young men and turned them over to police.

All were treated far more severely than any of the student protesters, receiving prison sentences from 16 years to life for "counter-revolutionary" activities.

Yu Dongyue, the last of the three to be released, was not freed until Feb. 22 this year. Family members have said he is now like a child, driven mad by years of solitary confinement and beatings.

Although he was paroled in 1998, Mr. Lu said Chinese authorities continued to hound him, making it impossible for him to earn a living.

He slipped out of China in late 2004, he explained yesterday, seeking to escape Chinese harassment and to publicize the prison plight of Mr. Yu.

"One of us had to get out and tell the world how the Communist regime treated us in prison," Mr. Lu said.

But when Chinese authorities learned that Canada had granted Mr. Lu refugee status earlier this year, they put pressure on Thailand to keep him in custody while seeking his return to China.

"China . . . does not have any so-called 'political refugees,' " a statement by the Chinese Foreign Ministry declared. "Lu Decheng left China in violation of Chinese laws."

Mr. Lu already had a March 14 plane ticket to Vancouver when the Chinese intervened and the date passed.

Now, he is free, on his way to Calgary to finally begin his new life in Canada.

The case was considered an early test of the Conservatives' pre-election pledge to place a greater emphasis on human rights in China than past Liberal governments have done.

Kim Girtel, a spokeswoman for the Department of Foreign Affairs, shed few details on how Mr. Lu's release was arranged.

"We did see reports alleging that Mr. Lu was having difficulty exiting Thailand, and we communicated our concern to Thai authorities," she said, declining further comment.

Citing weariness from 22 hours of travel, Mr. Lu declined to go into a lot of detail about his youthful, anti-Maoist escapade. "It's a very long story, and my mind is kind of muddy right now."

But at one point, he smiled at the recollection of putting the oil-based dye into the egg shells.

"The worst thing was that it was not the Chinese police who caught us. It was the students who took us to the police," Mr. Lu said. "Of course, it was a very regretful incident."

Monday, April 10, 2006

Great idea :P


Okay, so I thought it would be a great idea to write about how home is constructed in our collective imaginations as well as our individual imagination. The construction of home is also a component to our collective and individual identity as functioning human beings. I also thought I would extend the idea further and talk about the effects of displacement and how that impacts ideas of home and identities linked with home. Home in my context can be the actual structure in which a person lives, a nieghbourhood, or even a country. All places are imagined realities of home.
Now begin laughing because I have to write twelve pages on the subject and just realized I have no freaking clue what I am doing! Do I even have a thesis? Not sure. Did I mention I have to have the paper done by Wednesday April 12th? And it is Monday...and well...nothing is written...notes are taken, kinda...
I hate myself.
I think my anxiety stems from the professor (before he knew what I was doing) saying "Goodthing you aren't an English major)....I AM AN ENGLISH MAJOR!! Oh the horror!
I can at least find good pictures. I like the whole homeless wolf image...what is the wolf without grandma's house?

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Incentive...

So as I am doing my usual "I have a 12 page paper due so I will not work on it until the last minute because I have tonnes of time now to work on it" routine. I come across this picture:

Seriously, do I need encouragement? I mean, if the picture is worth a thousand words then the language is full enough in meaning...I can put off whatever I want, cause I will succeed. BAH!
Freaking procrastination, harder to give up than smoking!

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Little things...


Okay, so the kingston is my life. MMmm, better said the kingston contains my academic life. I religiously and dutifully carry the thing with me everywhere. So, last night, I am furiously working away...sleep deprived and slightly delerious...very positive I put the little gadget in my school bag. So then where is it? Cause it has my essay and research on it!!!


So I am starting to look like this guy! Although, picture him huddled in a corner, under a desk...and that is the little freak inside my head right now!
And I would really love to wear this shirt right now! Especially when dealing with the Currie...only cause I would hope he would offer to be choked. Why did he give me more work?

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

breaking point


I feel fairly fragile right now. This is part of the process I hate the most. I am completely and fully stressed. I have broken down two times today, crying. I probably wouldn't if I was worrying less, eating more and sleeping better. I am not though...I have no choice to either. The life of a student is fairly okay except for two weeks each semester...where everything culminates and piles on heavily. I feel extra special vulnerable, because my life is going in a fully new direction, both academically and personally. Also, when I am stressed my brother comes to me more and that hurts, alot. I love my brother but I am too weak right now to take on my pain regarding not having him with me. Just a bit longer and the gut kicking will slow down.

Okay, I know the picture isn't pleasant to look at. However, in my defense niether is four months of a topic about death. And the culmination of the four months spent studing Medieval Death Literature is my essay about a woman who is complaining to the worms who are eating her rotting corpse. The picture was the best I could come up with in terms of "Worm Food"...which is the title of my essay...although, I may change the title to "Worms Meat"...I like that more! I am one day away from submitting the essay and the process is always a self-defeating one because I am constantly thinking I am not doing something right, I haven't linked enough sentences, I haven't introduced enough quotes or I introduced too many quotes. I am too broad, I am too narrow...ERGH!!
Really, the topic I think matches my sentiments about essay writing. Why do the professors (worms) always have to chew on my work (body)? Oh right becuase I shouldn't be so concerned with my work (body) I should be more concerned with my soul?? Nope doesn't apply...although my work is continuously turned into Worms Meat!!

Monday, April 03, 2006

ERGH


Okay, for the next two weeks I will be full of self-loathing. Why? Because I actually have to write and submitt essays. Now the process is easy to talk about, although when I begin the application of actually writing and then the whole process of waiting for a mark which does NOT reflect my effort and understanding....well I end up hating myself...especially when the jackass behind me says "essay writing is a no-brainer" Now I toddle myself up to the writing centre in search for a couple more percent than I got on the last essay. I can't wait till the whole process is over and I can write creatively again. Seriously feel like the life is being sucked out of me.
Came up for a wonderful idea to spur on my creative process. I will try something image driven...little spots of imagining...see what crops up. Of course that will be AFTER classes and exams are done!

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Time, time, time....



Woot, that special time of the year has arrived where every third clock in my house isn't the correct time and I spend the next three days trying figure out what time it is and do I gain an hour of sleep or lose an hour of sleep? That argument NEVER dies!!! What begins the whole tirade on Daylight savings time...well because my genius computer recognize time change but my alarm clock and cell CAN'T! And as a result I am all discombobulated. Tomorrow, will begin the discussion about sleep...someone, I know someone will bring it up! Thought the roomie would but she finally huffed out of the house!

I should have chewed off my leg!

Okay, perhaps it isn't all that bad...it as in having a roommate! Wait, yes it is! Especially when she is a self-absorbed messy freak! I have been looking forward to the days when she isn't home. Today was suppose to be one of them! Unfortunately she is home and she is noisy! And apparently she doesn't care.
Really I should have chewed my leg off and ran, limped, crawled for the hills when I heard the sentence "Wanna move in together?"
Now I think I need this book...

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Not all Curries are good...

If you had seen me this morning, you would have thought, wow, calm girl who seems to have all her cards well ordered. I spent my day comforting and hearing other people while they stressed out, freaked out, stormed about! I think I have a previous blog which states I would abstain from taking on other peoples stress. So, okay I wasn't successful. I not only took on the stress but I allowed it to make me raw. So when I saw this man...the crank fest began!

Who is this guy? Russell, PhD and my boss! One of my many bosses at this point. Today, he decided to be rather difficult. I asked for an extension on marking assignments...NO. Okay, fair enough. I was cranky but I didn't push it. Then I preceded to talk about a student I was helping. I was asked to describe the student because apparently the name was not good enough. So I tried, however I really despise describing people, ESPECIALLY when I have successfully presented a name. The student is an exchange student and when I admitted I cannot tell the difference between Taiwanese, Chinese or Japanese, I got the swift reply "You grew up here, didn't you?" WHAT FUCKING QUESTION IS THAT?!??! And the conversation ocurred in front of TWO people...I was embarrassed and I felt like I had been reduced because of where I was raised!! No acknowledgement of my experience or my level of education...nope, I am reduced to a location! He continued to push even though he knew I was already irritated. Seriously who does that?!?!
Russell !

Shame on us, Bush



Not once, but twice the larger voting public looked at this face and thought "why not?" Seriously?


Okay, buckle in because what I heard this morning really pissed me off and also incensed me to write! Bush is a complete criminal. I can honestly say that since 2001 his activities in trying to bring 'freedom' to the world have been misguided and misinformed and complete propaganda. What makes me even more sick is that he has sent his own people to fight for what? OIL?? Because so far I have not seen anything that resembles freedom. What makes me even more livid is watching the death toll rise for soldiers who are sent overseas and no-one is posting how many people are dying as a result of US led occupation!!! I would really love to see someone put Bush on trial! Seriously, if we are going to condone Saddams treatment and trial, then the larger community really needs to hold Bush accountable for his actions while in office!

Back to the soldiers. I have been listening to CBC early in the morning. The radio is part of my morning routine. I check my email and gear up for the day while listening to the morning report and various interesting interviews. Lately, a large amount of the interviews have centered around the War in Iraq. More specifically whether Canadians should ask for their soldiers to come home. I am confident that the overall feeling is that our soldiers do not need to be over there sacrificing their lives for Bush's mess. Niether do American soldiers deserve to be over there. Anyways, there have been generals and such saying the Canadian public should basically keep their mouth shut becuase their opinions will demoralize those soldiers who believe their efforts are for the betterment of all peoples. Okay, valid to some degree. However, these generals and important members are sitting on a cushy seat in an office separated by an ocean talking to a reporter!! What the heck do they really know? Why do I say this? Because of Joshua Key.



Joshua Key is an American soldier who went AWOL. He is seeking refuge in Canada. Personally I feel Canadians should embrace him. Although I know Canadians taking in defecting American soldiers will not help the relationship with the US. I also I know that Bush and Harper are keen on eachother, especially since Harper is one of the people who actually thinks Bush is cool.
So what is Joshua's Story? I will give you the rundown I head on CBC. The interview was between a reporter and Joshua. So, Joshua signed up for the army. He chose a position that meant he would not have to go overseas. He would be stationed in the States. For awhile he was. The reporter asked him if soldiers who opt for stationing in the States ever think they will be asked to go overseas. He said that going overseas is a definite possibility for anyone who enlists. And he knew full well he could be made to go. However, he has a family, and he is poverty stricken. He needed the army so he could do his time, make money and then find job placements after his service. A story I have heard before...and not entirely a bad idea. Except Bush is your president and well US is at war...bad idea. Okay, so Joshua got the call to go overseas. His speciality was egineering bridges, however, the US army placed him in explosives because he scored high in his math exams. When Joshua was being shipped overseas he was told he would be put out in the desert and be part of team that is disarming landmines. Not a bad gig. Doing some good, cleaning up landmines, which is needed since several soldiers and civilians are being injured as a result of landmines. The story changed however when Joshua landed overseas he was told he will be part of raiding peoples homes. He admitted initially it was a bit of a rush. He laid a couple charges of c4 at the front door, the door would blow, and then about 6 soldiers would run into the house and remove the men outside while holding the women and children at gunpoint. The men of the house would be taken away for interrogation. After a while, Joshua admitted he and his soldier mates began to realize that the people were civilians and the US soldiers were keeping a pile of innocent people in a state of fear, not a state of freedom. When he got back to the US he ran for the border with his family. He has been in hiding but now is asking for help and speaking out. He said that about 80% of the soldiers in his unit felt what they were doing overseas is wrong...fundamentally wrong. However the commanders are telling them to shutup and do their job!! What the hell??
I checked out CBC website and it said of the 6,000 current troops a 150 have defected. I think that is a significant amount of soldiers considering all the training and brainwashing they endure to be even able to handle war. A 150 men defecting is HUGE when they are taught to never leave their team!
Okay that is my story.
I admit I am biased. I feel Bush has screwed over North America and put a HUGE target on our backs for retaliation and escalation. His efforts have injured to many innocent people who will remember for a very long time and hold hate in their hearts. Certainly, we have not seen the end. Simply removing Bush from office will not solve the problem, not one bit. However getting rid of him and ceasing war efforts and beginning rehabilitation efforts is needed NOW!

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

The final March...


Stress? Who's stressed? Surely not me? No WAY! Okay, you caught me! So, slowly dawning on me what I have to get done. I wish the dawning would come quicker so I could get to the order of the day!! However, not the case. I also don't think it helps that I am surrounded by several people give or take a 1000 who are also stressed out. Why? Well, I go to University and if there is one universal thing that students go through it is the final month of a semester...right now that month is March, with a tiny smattering of April. So, I am on campus daily and surrounded by stress cadets who are flipping out. My typical arguement is "Do what you can when you can...nothing more can happen over that, so why worry?" Okay, well that bullshit doesn't last too long with me, I still freak out and think what the fuck am I doing? It is okay though...last time I have to do the guantlet as an undergraduate. And when I say guantlet I mean guantlet...seriously some students should be given medals for the backflips they have to perform to make it through the final semester of classes! I don't flip so much as saunter...I learned in second year I can't panic, it gets me no where except with little sleep and drool hanging off my chin and really who wants to look at that? Certainly not me! So I finish assignments (crappy work but it is work) and go to my respective jobs...then I run into Carlos who says "wait until you are a PhD then you will know what busy means" and about that point in my Ally McBeal brain I rip his head off his shoulders and feed it to ravenous piranas. In reality I just laugh and say "okay carlos" *fucker*