Dreamt

So, sometime during my sleep last night I dreamt about Jaidan. The dream was fairly disturbing. What I remember is that we came to discover Jaidan is alive, somehow he was alive. For me, in the dream, it meant never letting him go. I wouldn't take my eyes off of him, because I was afraid if I looked away he would disappear again. I was horrified in the dream because I had to deal with the knowledge that he is dead but now alive and the looming terror he may be die again. Within all my 'dreaming' emotions, I noticed I had forgotten certain facial features of Jaidan. That hurt the most, I started crying in my dream. Especially I fixated on his nose, somehow I had forgotten the shadow and curve of his nose.
I didn't realize I had dreamt about Jaidan until I started walking to school this morning. The dream was so very real and we were talking, I wish I could remember what we were talking about. I remember someone saying that when people you love come to you in your dreams it means they are actually coming to you. Dreams are the only way the dead can communicate fully with the living. So, I hold onto this information now. Why? I don't know. I suspect for now it is to cope with the loss of my brother, the loss of a very huge part of me. I always consider Jaidan's death the loss of my family. While biologically I am left with lots of family, Jaidan was truly what I term family.
I wish I could remember what him and I were talking about. And now I can feel the lethargy of the dream holding onto me. Walking to school I began to wonder how many things about Jaidan I have forgotten, how much of my brother has slipped from me? I hate that, I hate that I won't see his features anymore, won't smell him anymore, won't hear him anymore...only a year and a half has passed and I am still pissed off. I still cry.