I dare you

I challenge you...
I push you...
go forward, find those letters at the end of the page, fill those spaces with ink...
I dare you to wrap your arms around your dreams...
go the length, and search out the depth of your ability...
I am not part of the no where people, I haven't slipped between the cracks,
I refuse to grind against the membranes...
I will not be shaped and moulded by anyone but myself...
I dare you trace the edges of your pity and see where your inspirations come from
I am the dreamer, the constant dreamer
the vigilant dreamer

Crisis elevated

Paranoid these days? Feeling symptoms that any moment the government will discover that your chapstick has been used to enable a terrorist plot? Are you constantly plagued with images of smoking buildings, viruses and the potential threat of an apocalypse?
YOU, YOU are not alone! There are millions of people like you, billions in fact who are also feeling the pressure of current world events.
So, what sparks this particular rant? V for Vendetta the movie.
My brother had the graphic novel and I have inherited it and tucked it away in my closet...I always told myself I would read it someday. The importance of me reading them is the novel was on of the latest things my brother picked up on, so I wanted and still want to feel his presence before he died. Surprising that not long after a movie comes out, and I know he would have LOVED it!!
It is a good movie and I fully recommend it. How do you know if it is a movie for you? Did you enjoy the Matrix? Did you read 1984 or the Handmaids Tale and enjoy it? If so, then V for Vendetta is for you! Now normally when comic books and graphic novels are adapted to the big screen I scream and die a little inside because the vision seems to never translate well and audiences are screwed out of what could be a potentially great experience. With V for Vendetta, the audience for once is spared. For those who feel they are savvy enough notice the interesting parallels to current events. I won't give it away, I can't, too good to do that to you!
However, the movie reminded me of my constant feeling that something isn't right. One that we have willingly allowed ourselves, in N.A. to be zombified and spoonfed our information, our knowledge.
Has anyone noticed the "crisis in the middle east" or the current events with British Airways, which once again has brought us to our knees in fear but raised up some dusty idea of patriotism...patriotism to what?
And the poor Muslim community. The amount of hatred and tension that is building in North America coupled with bombings, attacks and violence in the middle east. Which I dare you to pull out a map and look at the actual size of the countries that are embroiled in warfare currently compared to idea of the "middle east" and then pull your eyes over the nicely nestled and "safe" North America...again what is the threat? Oh don't forget to watch the rising gas prices and the profits and compare the descrepancies.
And since when did I become of lip balm on a plane? Last weekend. All I can say is I am lucky I am not a business traveler because right now would be a crappy time to travel...maybe the Canadian government could postpone their elaborate meetings overseas and get in their cars and drive to the local Timmy's for a meeting rather than spending our freaking money to stay in a luxury resort somewhere far from the country they are suppose to be leading???
Okay and why is Harper in Alert Bay and not at the World conference on Aids in Ontario?? SMUCK!! Between Bush and Harper I think North America needs to drink some serious amounts of WAKE the FUCK up juice, get our sorry noses out of other peoples crap and look at the shit pile we are making in our own backyard before we get all self righteous about democracy and freeing other countries and assimiliating them because there is no hope for our cracked out, illiterate degenerates here.
And with that....
Go watch V for Vendetta...and then turn to CNN...case and point.

Wise woman

Have you ever tried to identify the wise woman? I often do, try that is. I have to be honest...when I say have to, I mean by my own standards, I have to be honest I have been blessed in my life. I have been blessed with a spirit that recognizes life's challenges as gifts. I know the challenges that I have undergone, some I have shared with the people who read this blog regularly and some have become too complex to articulate. And through it all I have continued on, but I didn't do it alone. I have never been alone. I have been blessed because my spirit invites others to come and help me and aid me and open up paths for me. Currently I am in this amazing vortex and whirling around are all these individuals who (they don't know it) are working collectively to enrich my life and ensure that I will be successful. I must remember through all this to share. I must remember honesty, trust, love...I must remember that there will be small individuals that will burn me, but I can't ever let me stop giving, sharing, trusting, loving...
How to identify the wise woman...look for the stare that seems to be not looking for anything and you are certain no words will follow the gaze...the stare is quiet, you will find her there...and if you can't find the stare open yourself up, trust, give, and more importantly laugh, belly laugh, roll in laughter, because she loves laughter.

Civic Holiday (CAN)

Okay, so a Civic Holiday is on August 7th in Canada. No-one really knows why it is a holiday or what the heck is so important that bus service has to be reduced to sunday service for, but it is a holiday.
I am confused. Of course I am came up to the campus to do work, cause I am on a fellowship so I have no hope for holiday pay...although the security guard smucks who make sure this campus is open do! Okay they aren't smucks...I am, cause I am here rather then snuggling up to my man...well, until he said "pest be-gone!".
What is a Civic Holiday? Why is it so important?
Oh almighty Google here I come to discover the joys of this auspicious holiday.

Regardless

So, the path may look bleak, long and bumpy, but baby I am holding on and riding!! ROOOOOOOOAAAAR!

Struggling...

Well, there are certainly classes where I feel like I am swimming up stream...salmon? By the way the word "salmon" has been an incredibly recurring word within the last two to three weeks and I am a believer in signs. I do believe the universe talks to me and if you want to call me a hippy, a new age freak, or in need of a dose, well go get stuffed!
Anyways, of my four classes I have been in this summer there is two classes where I felt anger in the room. Anger from students who are part of the culture that has been continually pushed around...I can sympathize and i can see the evidence and I really want to be part of the solution not the problem. However, their anger has made me acutely aware of my own dialogue...hmm, maybe that isn't right...their anger has made me cautious in my course, cautious of what I say.
Sadly, yesterday, that anger reared it's ugly head yesterday. And again lets keep in mind that I may be really sensitive. Yesterday I swam upstream...yesterday I came to terms about what I am able to understand compared to what I am able to articulate. My fear got the better of me in class...and I bumbled and said words that were not suppose to come out of my mouth and no-one let it pass...I did hear people stand up for me at times...but the anger is there. I have very real concerns about how I will do in this class...I can sense I am seriously lagging behind the other students. My articulation is latent and I am in trouble. The leader of the class also concerns me, I can feel her ages of hurt, amazing she is from a part of a world I can't even imagine and yet I can feel the streams and flows of hurt and anger lapping up against her.
Then there is this other subject that is really hurting me...the words "emotional ties" and how that is linked with identity. You know five years ago I may have been certain of my identity, I could have pinpointed my emotional ties. However, events seem to have obliterated those ties, and my identity has become fluid and nothing I can define. I understand I am something to the people in my life, however, I don't know what I am to myself. I am having trouble locating myself...the wind stopped outside my window...I keep wondering what am I emotionally tied to, where is my identity, where do I get my identity from? I wish I could rely on the stories I was told growing up, but they have become unstable and fallacies, and I am having trouble locating where my stories come from...
So I am sitting in this class, with many different voices that are continually locating themselves, and linking up their emotional ties with the content that we are working through and I am detached. No stories. And while I have a narrative, a path I can recount, the anger and hurt that is the class does not make me feel safe to use my stories in ways to access the material...not verbally anyways.
Which turn leads me to my continual state of self-doubt. I am kind enough to myself to know I am intelligent, I am a survivor, and I will go the distance even if I am the loser I won't give up...okay...but am I ready for this, and when i say this I say Masters program...and if I am ready, is my community ready to accept me? I get the sense that if I do make it through this process that the community will be so completely embroiled in pain and anger that I won't be accepted...

I got my first mark back...and there are two kinds of students the eighty percent student and the ninety percent student...I do not belong to the latter currently. What does this mean? Well if this first mark is an indication of my future progress and success well ultimately I am greatful that I didn't get a student loan and I won't have to pay back these two years...I am certainly not giving up, and I won't, in case I can turn this around...I am not sure how and I may not be developed enough to do so, but I am in now and I won't stop.

The energy it takes to eat...

Again I am throwing more reading at you. Hopefully, you have adobe acrobat to open this I tried to copy it but WOW, it was tough and incomplete.
The main theme of the paper is how much energy is put into food and the link to Iran. Essentially, wheat, corn and rice are where we are expending our energy, and the amount we spend on a kernal of corn is insane!!
You know these organic folks and health food freaks piss me off, because of for the majority that I have come across they somehow associate health food and organic food as their part in helping heal the world, the environment. However, it isn't the case...just another capitalist venture to appease the masses...ugh I am not happy with that phrase "the masses". Almost seems to remove any sense of intelligence and instills a sense that we are sheep. I argue we are intelligent human beings, thinking and feeling and extremely cognitive. However, the constant bombardment of information, deflective information if I may add that, and our minds become tired, exhausted, we just want to help, be helpful, be part of the solution...and exploiters have caught onto that. Oh and if you think you are gonna cut wheat and corn and rice out of your diet in order to save the world from the overconsumption of energy...uhm...good luck because those three are insidious a part of everyday. But some information about exactly how this stuff ends up on our plates doesn't hurt.
Try sometimes googling a food item...I tried broccoli..was kind of lame but I did learn alot about the vegetable. Someone else did Pizza and discovered something about Domino's which makes me never eat there again. And another person did Pastachio nuts...and well that nut has some history and next to oil that little nugget is also another tension maker between the states and iraq. I find it interesting how our foods arrive in our cupboards and we take it for granted and look at them as without a story or a history...oh ya the link below...depends on how much time you want in front of your computer...good luck and much love!

http://www.yorku.ca/public/public/backissu/30feature.pdf