Four wheels and steering wheel...

I have never in my life actively pursued the idea of being a car owner...until now. My budget is limited, so I know it will be a junker. And I have kept my eye open for those wonderful signs stating the owner of the car wants to sell. Some of the prices look reasonable. Again, know NOTHING about cars. I think I am would be happy with relatively decent gas mileage, and the ability to go forward backward and turn...however I know a car needs to be more than that. I can feel winter starting to bear down on me and the realization that if i don't get a vehicle into the house soon, life could become difficult, really difficult. Of course like most things in my life I would find a way to cope...honestly I am tired of coping.
So, slowly but surely I am perusing car lots. Oh, how i would love a new car...but at 300/mos, well that ain't happening...come on realistically? And I am afraid to walk to the back of the lot where they keep their used cars for probably way less a month. So I keep watching cars with "for sale" signs whizz by me...trying desperately to see what the price tag is and thinking he the faster it goes with the least amount of noise must be a good sign that the car isn't a complete loss?!?!?!?!
I thought working on campus would be a great way to find a car that runs for cheap...however, I did not factor in the summer...and that NO ONE comes to the campus in the summer thus no one advertises selling their junker in the summer.

Hmm, I remember when i was in A.A. some rich ex-drunk had handed over the keys to his spare vehicle to one of the guys in the group and said, "here you go, no strings and remember to always wear your seatbelt". The man who got the keys had reached two years of sobriety and he had expressed that finally he felt safe to drive again on the streets, but he had no car and a shitty job that would not pay enough to save for a car. I am thinking I should go back to the meetings...(i am such a doof)
Knowing that I can't go do some act at an A.A. meeting I surf the net...okay seriously with this much technology we can't find websites that give a prospective buyer as much information about a car as possible...seriously? Does it need to be this confusing in this day and age?
I wonder if I plant my one my hotwheels in the ground it will grow into a BIG working Hotwheel? If you're looking for I am planting my toy box full of hotwheels out in the back yard!