Sometimes it is TOO much

I love hats. A huge fan of hats. I personally think that there is no such thing as too many hats. That is why I own two hats and NEVER wear them, except on days when I don't want to wash my hair, which is rare!

However, as responsibilities go, I have so many different hats (aka responsibilities) that I wear, I am quickly running out of closet space! Now the reason for the burgeoning flow of 'hats' in my life is, I say "yes" WAY too easily, and I have an appetite for knowledge that is difficult to satiate. I REALLY DO WANT TO KNOW...even if it is tedious and repititious I want to know how to do it and I like being responsible for it. I am fairly sure I can liken my brand of 'hats' to an addiction. I currently have more jobs than a person really needs in this world or should be able to do really, and the cherry on that pile is I really need to focus on my studies...which at this point I seem to manage checking in on my studies like one checks to see if their babies are sleeping okay. Oh the day I look in and see that my studies are screaming for a diaper change! And I am sure that day is coming.

Luckily my supervisor has noticed the plethora of 'hats' I don, while sitting in one place and has requested a meeting to talk about roles and responsibilities. Basically he is forcing me to go into the room with my babies and start being a proper parent to what should be my primary concern. (I know I am REALLY metaphor happy right now, but honestly that is because I am ALSO creatively writing for submission too! yet another hat!)

So do you love hats as well? Literally or figuratively? And how many do you have literally or figuratively?

The literal hats I like are the knitted ones...I don't know what it is with me lately, but I am really digging handcrafted items! I think I am going rustic or something...hope that isn't contagious?

Falling Asleep on the Job

I have been caught again! Sleeping on the job...

No not really, but I feel like I have been running a guantlet of work, which is slowly slowing down. I FINALLY finished my research proposal, which was the Ogre from hell, but I slaughtered it and punted it out the door.

Now, I have the craziness of catching up on the other jobs I hold on this campus. Really, that baby has the right idea! Although, is it child abuse if the baby was holding a beer in her hand?

Grindhouse is a good brew!

I don't understand why Grindhouse is not doing well in the theatres. The show is impeccable! The comedy and imagination that both Rodriguez and Tarentino express in the double feature is undeniable. Granted the trailers really didn't set me up for what I was about to experience, but I don't think I have laughed so hard and been so grossed out at the same time!! Both features were distinct and focused on the necessary parts of the storyline!
So if you haven't seen it yet, GO! (It isn't PG so if you like PG movies, don't go). And if you can't make it to the theatre, skip renting it and just BUY the DVD! I know I will!

Foiled again!

Here it is, my nemesis:



The photocopier and I have had a torrid relationship, filled with long hours of standing, overexposure to a brainsucking green light, and a 'start' button that needs more than a PUSH!
I thought perhaps I would have a sabbatical from the photocopier...seeing that my position is "research beast" for a well-meaning PhD (Yay me!). So the sabbatical had come in the form of the universitities effort to track which account the PhD's are photocopying for. This means they need an employee number and pin. More to the point this means I have NIETHER and thus unable to photocopy. After a few seconds of deep and complicated sorrow, I did a very modest jump for joy (sarcasm). I foolishly informed the wellmeaning PhD of the change in protocol. To which he stormed down to Tech service and promptly got me swipe cards for all the accounts I would be photocopying for. Damnit...I mean YAY, the day is saved. So I toddle down to the second floor with my shiny cards in hand and piles of books in the other...to find the door locked and note asking that the door remain locked at all times and people with a key can get in. I am not one of the key holders, and the hope of a break from the photocopier was emerging...and I AGAIN foolishly told the wellmeaning PhD about why I couldn't photocopy. Ha, I need to learn to not be honest...keep the trap shut! He secured access to a key for me!

So today, I spent an exhorbitant amount of time in front of the heated, greenlighted, finicky start button photocopier, catching up on ALL the photocopying that had been delayed by the universities desire to clamp down on access! I need to remember sunglasses next time!

Burlesque you say?

Friday April 6th the adventure began. Three brave souls marched out into the dangerous...oh wait wrong story! Here we go right one: So a fellow student saw and advertisement for a Burlesque show here in K-town and she hinted around about me joining her...I finally caved and we also recruited another grad student to go with us.

I will preface this with I am very happy Burlesque came to the valley and I hope similar shows make continual arrivals on the performance landscape.
The show was held at the Habitat which I am told was created so that whatever event could be held there...not sure of the whole intent although I suspect it is an attempt to give more 'meat' to the cultural vibe of K-town...which I support any effort that focuses on diversity and punching up the level of colour in the town and valley!
The show was sold out and me and my colleagues showed up just in time as there was only five tickets left...YEAH!!! We found seats (that were incredibly painful and unforgiving to my well padded backside...I can still feel the pain!).
Two different sets of performers were scheduled: Kabuki Guns (opening act) and Cheesecake Burlesque Review (second act).

Kabuki had an emcee that admittedly was new and ultimately she was HORRIBLE!! She encouraged the crowd to buy her drinks in the hope that she would improve as an emcee and even as she poured shots down her throat she still managed to stumble over which routine was coming up and names!! Which was matched by poorly practiced routines and ladies who were barely even going through the motions of burlesque. Thankfully I had Rob and Tena to share in the mocking of the whole act...it was disappointing as I had a fairly good idea of burlesque and I also have a WELL GROUNDED sense of performance and these ladies totally ruined the experience and had no respect for the art form they were representing! Although, there was one lady who I got the sense was aiming to do her best but it was hard to give her credence when her fellow performers left such a bad taste in my mouth...
The saving grace was that Kabuki was the opening act (unfortunately the opening soured the experience). The Cheesecake Burlesque Review was great! Granted they admitted they were still perfecting their routines but their emcee was beautifully articulate, clear and well organized! The performers believed in what they were doing and really gave it what they could! Very beautiful ladies honouring a style of performance that has a long history!

The audience was a split of the typical drunken bravado males and the conservative watching for watching sake. Which for me was disappointing as well as I really think the audience makes up the other part of a performance. Aside from the performers themselves no one really costumed for the occassion and drunken men aside the audience remained fairly reserved, still and only engaged at appropriate times ie clapping at the end and beginning of the performances.
However, I will remain firm in being thankful that the show came and I hope many more will arrive on the performance scene!

http://www.capitalcitycheesecake.com/ I would book them in a heartbeat!!

Little Girls and the Labrynth...

Here is the trouble I get into while walking...I begin remembering! Well worse than that, my MP3 player gets time to reel around to songs I usually don't hear. Today, it was David Bowie "Power of the Babe". Which got me remembering to the time when I learned about sexy...now, at the time I knew what it meant, but I didn't KNOW what it meant.
Here is where the Labrynth comes in...yes, I am sorry to shatter all my "cool" allusions any of you may have had, but David Bowie in big hair and tights made my knees go weak. I have even purchased the movie and have watched it recently and the guy is still sexy to me!

Which gets me to thinking, what about David outside of the cheesy 80's film and in 2007? Yes, he is still sexy!!!

Now if you will excuse me I must go watch the Labrynth....and Sam if you are out there somewhere, thankyou for confirming that David is sexy, and more to the point that even hetero men find David sexy too!

Opportunity for a sitcom?

I have to share this because well it was one of those funny moments...

So went into Sport Check to look for a mouth guard...specifically a moldable hockey mouth guard. I am already intimidated being in there and beginning to think I went in the wrong store because all I see is clothing and shoes, no accessories. Hockey is shoved in the back, next to the six employees who are wandering around, drooling on themselves and occassionally chucking a ball around.

I slowly walk around the hockey section, very slowly, hoping I can add the sense that I need help...no such luck. I do find the mouthgaurds...a whole shelf full and I am fairly sure the variety of mouthguards is fully unneccessary, but there they were on a shelf that came up to my shoulders and was two of me in length and fully dedicated to mouth guards...colours, shapes, brands, straps, strapless, shockwave, sound effect...oh the list goes on...so naturally I stand there and gape.
Two young fellows are meandering in another aisle, clearly dressed as employees and even more distinctly doing everything possible to be un-employee like...not that I blame them, but I am confronted with a plethora and assortment of an item I can't even begin to comprehend in my imagination forget that I am actually standing in front of it...

Okay here comes the moment...so I call them over "I need help"
"Okay"
"I need a mouth guard, but I don't know which one to get"
"What are you using it for?"
Oh and this is my moment of glory..."To guard my mouth"
Yep, this is where I go with that question...and I meant it, wasn't even being sarcastic, although in my head I was thinking *what the heck do you think I am using it for...toilet cleaning??"
Of course the kid corrected his line of questioning and asked what activity was I needing a mouth guard for...
"I grind my teeth and need to stop"

$3.53 later and two smart ass employees and one beligerant customer and I now have a device that is suppose to reduce my dental bill....

I have a sinus communication

(This isn't my mouth, my tooth had to be sawed in half, then broken, then twisted out....the result is a sinus communication in my case, WHICH my doctor didn't advise me about AT ALL)

Sinus exposure and oral-antral communication: This can occur when extracting upper molars (and in some patients, upper premolars). The maxillary sinus sits right above the roots of maxillary molars and premolars. There is a bony floor of the sinus dividing the tooth socket from the sinus itself. This bone can range from thick to thin from tooth to tooth from patient to patient. In some cases it is absent and the root is in fact in the sinus. At other times, this bone may be removed with the tooth, or may be perforated during surgical extractions. The doctor typically mentions this risk to patients, based on evaluation of radiographs showing the relationship of the tooth to the sinus. It is important to note that the sinus cavity is lined with a membrane called the Sniderian membrane, which may or may not be perforated. If this membrane is exposed after an extraction, but remains intact, a "sinus exposed" has occurred. If the membrane is perforated, however, it is a "sinus communication". These two conditions are treated differently. In the event of a sinus communication, the dentist may decide to let it heal on its own or may need to surgically obtain primary closure--depending on the size of the exposure as well as the likelihood of the patient to heal. In both cases, a resorbable material called "gelfoam" is typically placed in the extraction site to promote clotting and serve as a framework for granulation tissue to accumulate. Patients are typically provided with prescriptions for antibiotics that cover sinus bacterial flora, decongestants, as well as careful instructions to follow during the healing period.

I am learning, and so are you....

What is Shingles?

Shingles (herpes zoster) is an outbreak of rash or blisters on the skin that is caused by the same virus that causes chickenpox — the varicella-zoster virus. The first sign of shingles is often burning or tingling pain, or sometimes numbness or itch, in one particular location on only one side of the body. After several days or a week, a rash of fluid-filled blisters, similar to chickenpox, appears in one area on one side of the body. Shingles pain can be mild or intense. Some people have mostly itching; some feel pain from the gentlest touch or breeze. The most common location for shingles is a band, called a dermatome, spanning one side of the trunk around the waistline. Anyone who has had chickenpox is at risk for shingles. Scientists think that in the original battle with the varicella-zoster virus, some of the virus particles leave the skin blisters and move into the nervous system. When the varicella-zoster virus reactivates, the virus moves back down the long nerve fibers that extend from the sensory cell bodies to the skin. The viruses multiply, the tell-tale rash erupts, and the person now has shingles.

Is there any treatment?
The severity and duration of an attack of shingles can be significantly reduced by immediate treatment with antiviral drugs, which include acyclovir, valcyclovir, or famcyclovir. Antiviral drugs may also help stave off the painful after-effects of shingles known as postherpetic neuralgia. Other treatments for postherpetic neuralgia include steroids, antidepressants, anticonvulsants, and topical agents.
In 2006, the Food and Drug Administration approved a VZV vaccine (Zostavax) for use in people 60 and older who have had chickenpox. When the vaccine becomes more widely available, many older adults will for the first time have a means of preventing shingles. Researchers found that giving older adults the vaccine reduced the expected number of later cases of shingles by half. And in people who still got the disease despite immunization, the severity and complications of shingles were dramatically reduced. The shingles vaccine is only a preventive therapy and is not a treatment for those who already have shingles or postherpetic neuralgia.

What is the prognosis?
For most healthy people, the lesions heal, the pain subsides within 3 to 5 weeks, and the blisters leave no scars. However, shingles is a serious threat in immunosuppressed individuals — for example, those with HIV infection or who are receiving cancer treatments that can weaken their immune systems. People who receive organ transplants are also vulnerable to shingles because they are given drugs that suppress the immune system.
A person with a shingles rash can pass the virus to someone, usually a child, who has never had chickenpox, but the child will develop chickenpox, not shingles. A person with chickenpox cannot communicate shingles to someone else. Shingles comes from the virus hiding inside the person's body, not from an outside source.

A moment without context

I like to flit about the internet. Check out several news sites, pop culture sites, blog sites...whatever strikes me at the moment. The thing I indulge in is sites that have "pictures of the day/week".

The picture of this child playing chess really got me. At first I wanted to laugh at the absurdity of a young face looking so completely stressed, but suddenly I was confronted with a familiarity with his expression. Oh god here she goes again! The plate is piled high my friends and the meatballs are wobbling...this little guy playing and strategizing chess shows an emotion that I feel particularly close to in my own experience. I think I could make the allusion to academia and everyday life being much like the game of chess....it is all in the moves you make. One false move and checkmate! I have learned in the last couple of weeks that in the realm of academia there are certain egos and personalities that require stroking and adherence to their whims. I of course struggle with this mostly because this kind of environment is completely unknown to me, put me in an environment with people who are working poor, who have addictions, who are undereducated and I flourish, I understand, I navigate...the people on the hill though, I am constantly confused, frustrated and stunted. And the levels of bureacracy that exists in such a small space blows my mind and yet gives me insight into why the government never seems to get anything right or is able to communicate in a timely fashion.

So, the kid agonizing over his next move and his face contorts to reflect this...that is the inner me everyday I wake up...lately.

Now, I am still flipping through the pictures and I come across a fashion show. A particular angle of fashion where all the cameras are clustered together and focussed on the women who is wearing who ever's latest fashion. I know that Spain has made a vocal committment to not allowing anymore starved models to strut their run ways...but I wonder how feasible that is, especially when it is more than designers, producers and sponsors that are focussed on fashion runways. All those cameras, all those eyes, multiplied by readership...that kind of pressure is unavoidable.

Although I do like the framing of the picture that picks up on the crazy making of so many cameras to capture one superfluous moment.

But now I am moving on to yet another picture which ultimately breaks my heart...a child holding a gun...a girl child. So I am guilty of being privileged enough to be raised in a culture that believes and supports 'childhood' and that also here in Canada we are relatively untouched by the kind of violence that is witnessed in other countries. Of course I am still tied to those notions that women are nurturers and not warriors...on the domestic front women are warriors, but on the battle field I envision we are peacemakers. Of course I fight against all my cultural values and tried to shed the pregivens and taked for granted notions of gender and age...but I still react to the picture of an girl holding a toy gun in protest...how long before that gun becomes real?

Of course I also have to acknowledge the lack of deep context that a picture affords the viewer. This particular scene and the above scenes are selected to evoke a response and also as part of a selling feature...I know these moments are being exocitised as the other...a way to position myself against something and my values against, with very little information or insight to what is really going.

Profound Curiousity

What is your story? I am fairly sure I don't like that line, because all of a sudden I feel like I have to perform. I clearly remember the last person who asked me that question and the one and only time I asked what would you like to hear?
The truth of that event is that the truth wasn't being sought, just a facet, something colourful and strange.
The response was that the person felt that by asking a person to talk about themselves one can find out a lot by what is said. How can I argue with that? I am a person who listens so intently to what people aren't saying. Constantly I am weeding out truth's and non-truths.
How did I respond? I stammered, I stuttered, I blushed, I wrung my hands, I nervously laughed and admitted that without direction I didn't know what to say. At first I thought that indicated I was an empty person, lacking any personality, of course that was a fleeting moment of self-doubt.
The moment happened almost four years ago, maybe five, and yet the moment continues to linger in the recesses of my memory. The truth of the moment, the reality of the process I put others through, constantly asking questions, seeking stories of others, and all the time I am filled with enthusiasm and anticipation of what I am about to hear and what I have heard...even what you call mundane is exciting to me!! I love stories, I love hearing personalities and exploring identities.
Me, when I am telling, I accept I need direction, what do you want to know? Not everyone shares my enthusiasm for the long meandering tales and well, I have stories that for some are best left unheard. I guess that would be the indicator of who I am, I need a point of reference and from there I can march to whatever tune is necessary to complete the objective.
I am a story writer, not teller.

Dream Diary?

I always dreamt that I would keep a dream diary. I know I dream, and I often I don't remember the dream unless I consciously fight for it...or the other alternative is my dream comes true and I realize in the moment that I dreamt what is actually happening before me (whole other story).

Anyways, last night I had a dream and I remember waking up at 3:01am and promptly deciding I needed to remember this dream. I am going to use names without reference to who they are...if you are in my life you may know, and if you aren't well just enjoy a snippet of a story ...or not.

Initially it began with Meghan hanging out with me. I knew she had decided to let her other committments go so she could hang out with me. I also could feel a sense of her father, and that he would be disproving (in real life he wouldn't and she wouldn't). Anyways, she repeats the behaviour of hanging out with me and cutting class, of which I question her, but let it drop because I enjoy her company. Finally her father calls me and yells and yells at me, that I am a bad influence, that Meghan shouldn't be missing classes and that he never wants her to hang out with me again. Of course I am distraught, but it is time for the dream to progress...the scene shifts where I end up in a hall, perhaps attached to rec centre or events place. It is dinner, buffet style? perhaps, in any event lots of tables, long, covered with white linen and people eating dinner...I know my table is long, maybe 20-30 people at it...near where I sit, is Sylvie, Cam, and Meghan, also my mother and someone else is there, which I know is important but slips me at the moment, someone affiliated with my mother. The dinner is tense because Cam is still angry that Meghan is spending time with me, and now he has to sit at the same table as me. Sylvie is trying to placate and assure everyone that this is nothing to get worked up about. Somewhere in the midst of all the tension on one side of me, the whole dining area breaks out into prayer...I hear a voice on the PA system ask everyone to open their bibles to a particular psalm and begin the hymms. Immediately I know I am not having any part of this and I can't believe people have brought me to a dinner that is actually a mass prayer God worship situation. I had the sense that everyone is trying to convert me, and that they refuse to accept that I can't be converted. So I immediately excuse myself from the table, which turns out is a huge NO NO...people do not get up...almost like sacrilege. My act of getting up from the table, my act of moving during prayer indicates that I am not in line with God (interesting how that worked in a dream). My mother immediately begins wailing "no sheila, come back, please, please pray" and she is wailing and screaming, but my only instinct and desire is to flee the room. Which I do successfully, but I am still filled with anxiety that she will try and come and find me once the prayer session is over, so instead of heading to the lobby, I duck into another room in the events place. I like this place. It is filled with a variety of clothing and cloths and innovative creations that are wearable and full of BRIGHT colours and flowers and leathers, almost hippy-esque. I touch the cloths and wonder how I can get them for myself even though I have no money. Other people are in there admiring the racks upon racks of clothing...and the clothing is hanging from the cieling, so you are immersed fully, and can't see the other aisles, it is just you and the bright colours and fabrics. I love it and feel safe and the thought that I will be found is almost gone...

Then I wake up.

A slow day in the posting world

I guess I should count myself lucky I don't have a readership, otherwise I would get complaints about why I am not posting as frequently as I once did.
Do you ever get the feeling like you are saying the same thing over and over again? I do. And really how much can one take of the same song? Scratch that...I know of songs I can listen to over and over again...and no I am not talking about Crimson and Clover!!!
Lately, the road of life and academia has felt utterly hectic and overwhelming! So as indicated I am in the last semester of course work, which is liberating and confining all at once!
I have a research proposal and an ethics proposal I want to work on and complete. I also have a housing course with the most task driven professor I have ever met in my life and by the end of his course I will have written a sum total of 65 pages...and that's just what is asked from the syllabus, who knows what else he will ask for!!! So I am expecting for this semester to write close to if not above a 100 pages grand total....that addition makes me want to nap. And then there is my other problem, I see the mountain of work I have to do, and suddenly a nap seems like a great idea and there I am napping!! I think I am one of the most well rested graduate students ever to exist!!! I can't stop sleeping!!! And I am not joking, I am addicted to sleep...I sleep whenever I can for as long as I can!! At some point a person can't be tired, but somehow I manage it...miraculous...no.
Although, my research question has drummed itself out, my research methodology has drummed itself out...and everything is progressing along in a very timely fashion.
But then I watch CHBC news...with a small amount of glee to see Sean Harvey get jailed and wish that we could jail Prez Bush and few other politicians, but okay Sean can be my frustration goat! Weirdly, murders and round-abouts are the run of the mill in local news....the top end of the news is completely benign and filled with stories about construction and roads and then voila we move onto Rhonda Black and another fellow murderer whose name escapes me right now...and I begin to wonder when Court TV will begin to feature the Okanagan the crime hotspot with lots of roundabouts??!!!???
And this is what you are left with a pile of nothing. Absolutely no entertainment that I can provide you...and just the satisfaction that a year from now I will look back over this post and realize how simpy and wimpy my life is as a researcher!

Return of the Semester

Well, it is time for yet another semester to begin. January 8th and the following week will result in the usual line-ups and mixed feelings about tuition, bus passes, text purchases and syllabi's. I went into the bookstore today to purchase the one and only text I will need "Readme First". It was a very reluctant purchase as my funds were lacking and I was just as content to photocopy, unfortunately the text has a CD-ROM which turns out to be integral to the course and my ability to do research. I stood before the books and gazed at some of the courses and their required readings...I had mixed feelings because there was plenty of material that looked VERY interesting to me and yet I was glad that I am no longer an undergraduate who has to slog through 8 to 12 books in a semester. Don't get me wrong the Master's program is not a reading dream come true, in fact there might be more reading, but one doesn't notice so much because a large portion of the reading centres on personal interests. I made the right decision. So, hopefully funds will get easier and I can make the return to the bookstore and buy the books students didn't for my own personal enjoyment...I am that much of a dork.

On that note, I also came to the campus early...January 2nd early. Granted my work requires me to show up a little earlier, but the other reason is that I enjoy the quiet campus. Just me and the staff. No noisy students cluttering and littering hallways, no cramped busses, no messy bathrooms, and unfettered librarians...truly a beautiful thing. My goal this summer is to bring my rollerblades and skate the hallways...that is how empty the campus is!!

This is the semester where my research question is expected to cement itself, where my methodology and method will be clarified and I will write for the ethics board...this seems all so sureal and yet I know this means I am that much closer to being done my Masters!! Gosh!

Hooray for 2007! Welcome back everyone!

Lazy holidays in the hills

So I am housesitting in Oyama, which would be fine but D isn't with me, therefore I am not putting my full heart into this. The view is exquisite, overlooking two looks and a vineyard in the middle of winter...I feel like I am in one of Bob's paintings, with happy little trees and swishing lakes, etc...

I brought work with me, thinking I would do some of it, since I am essentially stuck here, no car and no way of driving said car. In addition, it snowed heavily the last two days, and even four wheel drives are having issues getting out here, I am truly stuck!! So, one would think I would have time to give to work...ha! I think I developed a serious aversion to it, I am hedging I won't do any of it, because really I have been a good dutiful student and assistant up to this point and I need a break...there I said it. I am taking a break.

The holidays were nice and warm. I got a HUGE crockpot...which I wanted. I really wanted a crockpot so bad for years and years and I finally have one..I really hope it doesn't sit on my counter dormant..it is kinda big and since I only cook for two people I am not sure what will happen. I know I don't have to fill the thing up, but I do...I am sure I must have some ethnic background in me that believes in large amounts of food must be cooked or the world will cease to exist as we know it!! Too bad my freezer wasn't bigger, because I would be down with making a few different things, packaging it up and freezing it for school or work...would make my life that much easier.

I also got the most exquisite one-on-one time with D. He really puts alone time onto another level where we get to be silent, giggly, chatty and happy all at once...I wonder if he knows that I like listening to his voice through his chest.

Okay, now that I have shared, and it was all boring except to me...of I go to do more of NOTHING...ah so NICE!!!

Love you all!

My part

Okay, so Christmas is definitely barrelling down on most of the world's population. The presence of it can be certainly felt here in the Okanagan. Although, I wouldn't call the presence a pleasant one. All I see right now is A LOT of purchasing, scrambling for the right gift, everyone trying to one up the other person. Don't get me wrong, I love gifts, it is so fun to open up a gift and see what the person who gave it to you, thinks of you. Of course I am into the psychology of it all.

This year is also a little more different me. For a long time now, I have been wanting to volunteer, especially with soup kitchens or charity kitchens, I finally got my opportunity and with an organization that I can feel good about helping with. The Ki-Low-Na Friendship Society is an extremely busy place. The programs that run out this place, that assist people in the community with needs, is plentiful. In fact they are so busy that it is often difficult to actually meet with anyone. One has to be prepared to head down there and say "I can help".

I just finished with the Childrens Christmas, which was not much of an eye-opener, although it did clarify some really huge stereotypes I am often confronted with. The aboriginal children were beautiful, hair combed, dresses and pants ironed and clean, always ready with a please and thankyou and stayed close to their parents. The white children didn't fair so well...there was one young boy where my heart went out to him, but I also got a glimpse of a future serial killer...the child scared me and his parents weren't even with him, instead two very disinterested young women accompanied him.

I got to help with making paper bag riendeers...turned out to be not the best idea because there was ALOT of intricate cutting that needed to be done and the kids only had 25mins at each craft table...some tears, some frustration, some complaints and two very frazzled volunteers who could only do what they could do after six hours and over a 150 children. It was great though, for the most part the children were happy to be creative and see Santa, and the parents did their best to help and join in the experience.

This coming weekend I get to be part of "Feed the People". Basically tables are set up and people can come off of the street between 10-3 and get a plate of food. The fare will be traditional christmas trimmings and turkey and potatoes and the whole lot. I think this one will break my heart and give me hope at the same time. The volunteers and the staff are 100% committed to helping in any way they can and my last couple of ventures out volunteering with them has really given me warmth and happiness...also it has saddened me as I hear about the numbers of donations going down, but the number of people in need going up. The people at Ki-Low-Na Friendship Society take in and help whomever they can, with whatever they have and I wonder if more can't be done. Kelowna is a HUGE community with a lot of people who have money, resources and time...but only a fraction of them are seen on Leon...a small fraction.

And again I go back to my research, the need for my kind of research, and hopefully what I am doing will produce something that can be forward looking...and if not, I will be produced and I will continue and maybe with my infectious personality I can start swaying the tide!

Dream big my friends, DREAM BIG!

Right to Adequate Houses

http://www.chbc.com/index.php?name=News&file=article&sid=13538 This link is very important. Especially to me, because it speaks to why my interests and research is so very important. The Okanagan is a lovely place, it is picturesque and mildly seasonal. However, like most communities across the country and around the world the Okanagan has its fair share of social 'problems'.
I remember reading recently that the government felt that poverty was way to expensive to fix. I wouldn't argue with that if I was approaching poverty the same way the government does. Certainly, it is expensive, and so were the ways that most of our people became homeless..."just a paycheque away".
Bruce Porter has written an article in 2004, where he makes a really good argument for the ammendment to the Charter, where housing would be included. This is an idea I support 100%, if not more. I mentioned this idea to a colleague and he responded with, "what do you do if they wreck their home?". I blinked at him and thought about the other freedoms we have under the Charter...speech...religion....and we abuse those and somehow the public finds ways to put people in thier place for that abuse. But what struck me even harder is how willing people are ready to jump to an excuse or reason why the solution to the 'problem' is problematic. Which, when I think on ALL the literature I have read, is why we may have such an exacerbated 'problem' now. Along the line, our country has had a large amount of people who are community minded come up with incredibly viable solutions that will, not only help those who are need, but create a stronger sense of community. Yet, these people have been quashed by excuses and reasons.
I recognize the resistance comes from a history where our country has been moving into the idea "every person for himself", the woman somehow is implied in there. I would argue the individual idea went REALLY wrong. All these countries wanting Independence, and from that hard desire to be an independent nation, inspired an even harder desire to be independent as people. FLAWED.
So, I am in a class with a woman from Ghanna. She is flabbergasted that there is a need for my kind of research. In her country, homelessness doesn't manifest in the same way as it does here, why? Because of aunts, uncles, moms, dads, close friends, bosses....the way she talks about her country is that there is a strong support network within the communities and if the families have to relocate (which says is rare) then the place they are going to usually has a connection for them so that they aren't on the street.
I know have a couple of friends who have first hand experienced the wealth of community. I have even tasted that sweet nectar myself. So I know that when they read this, they will understand what I am talking about. But what about the 30 million people who make up Canada? Do they know what they are missing? And if they did would they be willing to work toward creating a community in their communities??
Here is where the idea of community becomes incredibly fantastic...if we built a community that actually lived by the mandate of what community means, it means there would be no more soup kitchens, no more homeless shelters, no more overcrowded jails, LESSENED crime, lessened occurances of drug addictions, depreciated amounts of poverty and the list goes on...
I am optimistic...maybe not in my life time, but I know it can happen.
And here is the kicker, it would cost the government less money to facilitate a community, to create housing as a right, than it would to solve poverty on the whole...and then maybe shelters wouldn't have to turn away over a hundred women and children during the winter, and maybe men's shelters wouldn't have to create safe places for women to sleep...and just maybe we could put more attention into an issue that we couldn't see because we were being too busy being independent.

Identity, Membership and Affordable housing

Well, I just finished 18 pages of typing about discourse in policy research discussions around affordable housing. And I can safely say I am pissed off...not about the amount of pages I had to write (although that could be the fuel), but about how policy makers make really grand assumptions and EVEN WORSE how that is played out in the local environment.
I actually read a paper that said homeownership produced better and more stable citizens!!! The author of the painfull piece of marginalizing crap actually generated numbers (which he kept saying he didn't have actual stats and still managed to come up with numbers) on how children from rental situations are more likely to be criminal offenders!!
And while this paper was the most blatant piece of writing I had ever seen, the other policy discussions weren't that far behind in their marginalizing discussions about affordable rental housing.
While reading the papers I thought of my own situation. I have never been a homeowner, I have never lived in a home that was owned by my family. I have, all my life, been part of the low-income rental scene. I began to reflect on the ways people talk to me when the find out I am a renter. Always, the discussion comes up about ownership, investment, long term....I generally sit and listen and take it in...but now, after reading a plethora of identity papers around housing and how people in poverty situations become marginalized by notions about home and housing...well now my ears are sensitive. Yes, I am a renter. As a renter, I still pay taxes, I still have to work long hours, I do not wreck property that isn't mine and if I do, I offer to fix it, I have never been charged or sent to jail, while I have dabbled in drug abuse it has never been anything but recreational, and while I may move from place to place, I am a stable person. Yes, I am paying someone else's mortgage, but why should I be persecuted and judged for helping someone else out? (okay I know that is flawed, but work with me)...I am not saying homeowndership is a bad thing (it is freaking expensive and means ALOT of responsibility, which I think I have enough of right now), but neither is being a renter.
So, I follow Bruce Porter, a fellow who adamantly asserts that the Charter needs to be ammended to include housing as a right!! Just like freedom of speech or freedom of religion, everyone in Canada should have the right to a home that is safe, warm and adequate to their needs. Then everyone can back off about why I don't own a home, and my identity can be less about being a renter and more about being ME!!

Poor Vancouver, and coast

I guess November was unwilling to go unnoticed, so right at the end of the month British Columbia became the target for memory of the month. Especially Vancouver. Vancouver was pummeled just over a week ago with rain storms which effectively wreacked havoc on the water systems and also added the pain of power outages and wrecked property. So, for a week the soggy, drenched Vancouver and coast was placed in a boil water advisory and the shelves where bottled water once sat now lay bare. However, November wasn't happy with this...nope, the punch needed to be harder, so lets drop the temperature and slap some snow down on the poor coast.
Now I have heard a lot of people say that people in Vancouver don't know how to cope with the snow, they become idiots and drive like grannies...I think this is being fairly harsh on a population that rarely has to experience freezing temperatures and frequent snow falls. The city doesn't budget for snow clearance, the drivers aren't thinking winter tires or safety measures that we in the north take for granted. Add on to the fact that the coast has already had a miserable week of water issues, now it's cold, no power, no safe water and compounded by a homeless population that has no resource.
So 90, 0000 people with no power beginning Monday, and now 14, 000 in Victoria and no power and another storm coming.
I don't have much of a point other than let's go easy on Vancouver and the coast, they are getting their teeth kicked in right now.

Month of Jaidan

I continually have new places that I find in my grief. Overall, I think I am fairly quiet about my grieving and how extensive my pain and sense of loss is. I remember when someone at one of my old jobs lost his grandmother. For several months afterwards he was very vocal about his pain, and the staff increasingly became unsympathetic towards him and began suggesting that his grieving time should end. I remember that reaction and often find myself censuring myself when in public, or ever personal situations. I don't want people to groan inwardly when I mention the pain of losing my brother and that even two years later I find I am profoundly affected and disabled by my grief.
What is worse is that it is November, and Jaidan passed away in November...my body remembers the smells, sights, the feeling of the cold, everything that embodies November feels as though it is now part of my DNA...I can't go anywhere without feeling the heaviness of this month.
I would hope as the years pass perhaps this too shall pass, however, if it doesn't I don't think I should feel bad about it. Jaidan is my brother, he is a foundation in which part of who I am rests firmly with. His death had many repercussions on my present situation, as well as, past and future.
So this is the Month of Jaidan...perhaps even the season as I can't even imagine another Christmas without him and yet I have to. I don't think that I will be increasing my vocalization about my grief, but I will work on not feeling shame for for feeling sad. I also hope that I will be a source of solace for those who lost someone dear and near and feel isolated by those who don't know or don't understand what that means and how long that kind of pain lasts and manifests.

Here is to one day waking up!